I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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