how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Panties = found
Randomize
