Your face is a jimmy john
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
