I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
