you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
