so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize