You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
