Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
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Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.