It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been