And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.