she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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