my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.