nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
a victory without nudity is not really a victory