Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
