im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
