apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
