He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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