I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
