Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
please come you make the beer taste better
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
