all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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