Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
