I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
