Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
