Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
