What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
