My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
