my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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