Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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