Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
