Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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