I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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