just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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