if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
