yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
