Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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