I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
