i dont even know how to be here
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
