At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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