my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
