yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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