Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
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I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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