I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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