wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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