my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
