booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
