she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm getting married
To pizza
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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