please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
