im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
