I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
