I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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