I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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