I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
