Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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