You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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