I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
