dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
either way he was missing a nipple.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
