Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you never un-have a 4some
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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