All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
