dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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