So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
