last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
