I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
