He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
