If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
