my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
