Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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