Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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