hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
