She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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