So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Too much gin, very little bucket
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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