just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
