Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
