Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
