cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
