I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
did i just pee glitter
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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