I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
