omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
