Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
