Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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