Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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