i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
