If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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