I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
