My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
