In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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