this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
